Questions for the New Year

I'm sitting on the couch next to the snoring dogs, wearing the sweater I've just finished knitting.  It's warm, but sadly a little scratchy.  In 2 hours I plan to walk to Magdalen Bridge and listen to the bells ring out the old year and ring in the new.   It's half an hour of ringing on each side of midnight. This will be a new way of celebrating for me, and I'm looking forward to it.  For the past several years, I've tended to use the New Year as a time of contemplation, often followed by bedtime before the stroke of midnight, sometimes not even waking to the nearby sounds of celebration.  In other words, I've found myself no longer going to parties on New Year's Eve.  

There was actually only a short time frame, in my 20s and early 30s, when I had friends who threw parties.  Before then, New Years' was a family celebration:  we'd pull together some snacks and play whist (and there were some memorable battles.)  Sometimes someone would go off to a party, but usually we were all at home when the ball dropped in Times Square, viewed from the television.  We'd open the door and listen to the remote clang of beaten pots and pans and the vague whoops and whistles and squawker horns, transformed by distance into an echo of the celebration happening at some neighborhood house.  And then we'd shut the door and go to bed.

I do remember the year I was party-hopping.  Midnight found me in my own neighborhood, dancing to Prince.  The year was 1999, and so was the song.  I was 40, on the cusp of some major changes, both for me and for the country.  9/11 and my father's death would follow in quick succession 2 years later, and by my mid-40s I'd be married, a decision that still has me baffled.

2 years ago, G and I were walking down a London street because the bus route was cordoned off for the city celebration.  We stopped at a neighborhood bar and put on their pointy shiny cardboard hats, but at midnight we were home watching fireworks on TV, with the Millennial Eye and Big Ben in the background.  This year, G is attending an ugly sweater party with his new love, and I marvel at how he and our friendship have changed.  I can't imagine him deliberately wearing an ugly sweater or doing something so traditionally banal.  I hope it makes him happy.

Meanwhile, I think about the past several months.  I'm trying to make sense of the past year and prepare for the next, emotionally.  Logistically, I'm set.  I have 4 months left of my experiment, and then 9 months living yet another 40-hour work week, the volunteer librarian gig at Ghost Ranch.  I wonder if I will be ready for it, after a year spent almost exclusively co-existing with dogs and cats.  I have found myself becoming more and more reclusive, and happily so.  I like the way a routine develops, based on the personalities of the animals, their home, and the place.  In Ireland, I barely left the house.  Surrounded by green fields and changeable skies, I sat in the windowed sun room writing and reading, with frequent interruptions from the dogs.  In Bath, I spent the morning and early afternoon writing, followed by an exploratory walk and an evening at home, listening to an audio-book.  In Tavistock, the weather and my nerve determined whether I would get in the car and explore the moors, or stay in the house, knitting and watching bad TV. 

Still, wherever I was, whatever I did, I was alone.  Other than a few days with my cousins and the two weeks back in the States, my deepest interactions have been virtual ones:  emails, Facebook posts, this blog, texts with G and P and my cousins.  Even the 2 months in Claremont were solitary, except for the Vocal Forum and the Sunday choir.    I was reveling in the power to do precisely what I wanted to do, but I was also overwhelmed by the sheer variety of the experiences available to me.  My choice to stay home with the pets is comprehensible in that light, but so is the self-flagellation.  I often feel that I am wasting my time, not exploring the possibilities.  I can write and read and knit anywhere.  What is the point of this?

The questions really hit me when I returned to England after 2 weeks in the States.  I find that I am wistful, missing my friends and family. While I'm off lazing around and dipping into other people's lives, babies are being born, people are getting ill, some are coupling, some are separating.  Life is happening, and I'm watching from a distance.  As with New Years Eve, I am merely a witness to the sounds of other people's celebrations.   Other people's lives are muffled, and virtual communication offers little clarity.  They could be anywhere, I could be anywhere.  I don't need to be in Oxford to send a Christmas card or Skype with my aunt.  So, what am I getting from my 3 weeks here?  Some museum trips, some holiday food, some walks along the Thames. The Christchurch concert. An Anglican Christmas service. The sighting the tree under which fictional Harriet Vane stood with her fictional admirer.  It's a mix of literary references and tourist must-dos.  My activities and observations are colored by things I've read, by the mythology of Oxford.  I love this city, but I find myself wishing I had discovered it as a scholar, not as a dilettante. 

Maybe it was the third degree at the airport that started this.  While I don't think I've been put on the terrorist watch list, I do understand why my behavior gave the immigration gent pause.  I was here for 3 months, went back to the States for 2 weeks, and came back to the UK for another 5 weeks.  I give my cousin as my address, but in reality he's just a place to stay between sits, and a place to stash extra stuff. All of this is perplexing to any onlooker.  I'm not working, and I'm not vacationing. I'm not an immigrant or a refugee, but the lack of any purpose baffled the interrogator.  He asked if I had money, and when I said yes, he asked if I had proof of it.  I offered my credit card and he said, "That just shows you are borrowing money."  Well, yes.  But how do I prove that I have money upon which I can live for the next 5 weeks?   Even a bank statement is subject to daily, nay hourly, change. And what's the problem?  If I run out of money, it's my own problem, not his, isn't it?  My cousin later clarified the situation:  they think I'm trying to reset the clock and avoid the 6-month visiting restriction.

I'm relieved to find a reason for the questions, but Customs' doubts about me start up a series of questions in my own mind.  Can I truly afford this? Why am I here, what am I doing, what will I be doing 2 years hence?  Meanwhile, my supportive friends say that downtime is important too.  They suggest I not work so hard to make sense of this. Asking for an explanation will just keep me from experiencing the moment.  It's awesome that I am doing this, they insist, and I am an inspiration.

That is all very well, but I still have to find an answer that will work for customs and immigration.  So I may as well try to find one for myself.

November posts, emails and pix

Nov 1
Sunrise out my window, looking out at the pedestrian bridge, the source of late night drinking and hooting and hollering and even some songfest.  Up early for tutoring.

Nov 2
To R/E: Operation Violet successfully concluded.  Operation coffee underway.  Hope your days are brilliant!

Pencils abound but

(Do you never make mistakes?)

Not one eraser.

What's happening at the Tate!

So, the past two days I’ve been writing and sitting on the couch.  Today I finally got out.  This is an amazing church, with flint on the entire outside and grandeur on the inside.

Holy Flaming Tubas, Batman!  I saw a gent playing tuba accompaniment to 1920s Jazz, and flames came out of the bell at each note.  I kid you not!  Then, there was a fire at my Tube station and I had to roam looking for a different stop.

But all is well!

 

 Nov 3

At Poplar station on the DLR, en route to London City Airport

To V: I started a message, but it seems to have disappeared.  I’m here in green cloudy Eire, in the middle of nowhere, although Hillsborough is only a few miles away: that’s where the Queen stays when she visits.  So, there are some nice places to eat and a Royal parkland to roam, but apparently not with the dogs:  there’s green algae on the ponds that’s making dogs sick.
I am caring for 2 dogs and 4 cats.  Uff da.  They reportedly have a super duper vacuum that hooks into the walls.  Sounds scary, but I guess I’ll need it.

This is Ceepher (C for Cat), the old dame

The shy one (Doodle) sat at my feet, apparently unheard of at this stage of the game.  She wandered off soon, though.
Sending a pic of the view from my bedroom and the main living room.

To MC:  I’m in Ireland now.  So green, and a good 20 degrees colder...good thing I brought shawls and 2 sweaters (or as they say over here, jumpers.)
I love collecting accents and phrases.  Things get sorted, not figured out or fixed. If you don’t know an answer, you say “pass.”  And if something is wonderful, it’s brilliant.  Etc etc.  In Ireland, if things are okay, they’re actually grand.  As in, “That’s grand,” or “You’re grand!” which is what my host said when I got  up to clear away the dishes and she didn’t want me to.
I can’t figure out a lot of the British accents, but the Irish are so obviously different. There’s a definite R roll.
Nov 4

I may have caught my hostess' bad cold.   Got up early to see them off and watched the sun rise over the nearby Slieve Croob

 

Was tired for most of the day, so, other than two stints throwing a ball for the collies, I stayed in and wrote another bit of the book.  Today's Famous Face was Cleopatra.  Really hard to condense that life into 150 words, not to mention an equally short description of the abbreviated Ptolemy family tree.  Most distressing, filled with assassinations and civil wars and incest.

I also set off the smoke alarm, trying to make kale chips, and one of the cats disappeared.  All the pets were freaked out, and I had to open all the doors and windows.  Took several minutes before the alarm stopped.

Don't cook and write at the same time.
Nov 5

The famous hedges that line the fields and the single track roads.  We're on Begay Rd.

 Dogs.  They won't let me alone.  I took them on a walk in the countryside and threw the ball fro them 4x, but....Oscar is especially importunate, licking and pawing at my hand while I try to type.

To hosts:
All well.  Cold and rainy with sun bursts.  Oscar snuck onto the couch while my attention was elsewhere.  We’ve had two sessions with the ball already!

The alarm beeps occasionally...anything to worry about?  Made kale chips in the air fryer, having set off the smoke alarm yesterday trying to bake them in the oven.  Yummy!

Nov 6
Cold and rainy, so I stayed in and wrote about Genghis Khan.
This is the oldest cat, Cepher, or C for Cat.
Tomorrow I really  need to check out the bus system, tho.
The fur babies are all gathering round, and I’ll need some alone time.  😉

To R, along with info about Genghis Khan:

Oscar, the importunate pup, is driving me crazy.  He cannot be tired out, and he wants to climb in my lap and lick my face, and I'm trying to WORK!

Yesterday was lovely and sunny, so we went for a walk (not that it did much good) but today is icy cold and grey.  A good day to work, if the dogs will let me.
Nov 7
I’ve finally figured out that, if I stay home to write, Oscar will make sure I get several breaks out in the nice Irish countryside!

I have 3 weeks here.  Probably next week I’ll look into buses or car rental.  I promised to finish my part of the book before I go to Japan, so this is a great place to write...if I can keep Oscar worn out. And his tongue away from my face.

 Nov 8
I have worn them out,
Running through frost, panting steam.
Time for some coffee.

How to fit Catherine the Great’s ancestry into 150 words?! Fascinating stuff tho.
The day started with frost and devolved into cold steady rain. So all I did was write. Forgot to eat. Dizzy. Going to eat leftovers and go to bed

Nov 9
Here’s the thing about
Watching the morning sky change:
It just gets better.

 I spent a good forty minutes watching the sunrise and throwing the ball for the dogs...it kept them calmed down for 4 hours!  And I was able to finish Catherine the Great and move on to Marie Antoinette.  Did you know her insistence that France support the American Revolution led to bankrupting France and to the storming of the Bastille?  Complicated connections...

Facebook’s algorithm pulled up a walk that I took, presumably with Esther, 3 years ago

It is three thirty.
We walk, attended by our
Lengthening shadows

To B:

It's interesting, I'm writing a book about various historical figures, and that's what strikes me the most: the murderous intrigues, mainly among family members, which then redound upon the rest of us. I know, it's not a new observation, but it's mind-blowing. It's like all the petty family dysfunctions get exploded on the big stage. Glad you are enjoying the blog.  I feel like I'm not doing much, but it's a satisfying minimalism.

Nov 10

Bday greetings to L:

I’ll be sending a late postcard... hard to pick the right picture.  I hope Comcast has hooked you up so you know I’m thinking of you!

Ireland is the perfect housesit:  it’s in a lovely rural setting and a beautiful house.  It’s also cold and rainy, and I don’t have a car, so I’m writing all day and throwing a ball for the dogs at intervals (because they don’t leave me alone), and I feel comfortable and productive

to the gang:

Even though I know they got fed, the cats convinced me otherwise.  I’m now sitting with the brownies I made...finally taking advantage of a real kitchen!

As per usual right now... today I wrote and threw the ball for the dogs. It was cold and rainy.  Still is for that matter.

Nov 11

Goddam vertigo.
And the dogs don’t give a shit.
Still, they’re kinda cute. 

Clear but faint gunshots
Echoing like memories.
Mist-clarified sounds

A white-hot roundness
Silvering through the matte grey
Making a comeback

One Misty Moisty Morning

Finished writing about Mozart, despite the exhaustion and lack of success with the Epply maneuver.
And that was my day! 

To hosts:

It’s good!  I’m slowly figuring out how to wear them out so they leave me in peace! 

I made brownies last night, and as I was getting the flour, the clock fell off the wall.  Not sure how I could have knocked it down, but I think it’s broken.  :(

Nov 12
Last night: pantry cat in the tv room, bedroom cat in the kitchen, scaredy cat in the bedroom, hall cat with me. It was all catywampus! 
Nov 13

Behind the blank wall
They squeal like demogorgons,
But they smell like pigs. 

The morning dog show
Absolutely freezing but
Leaping so greenly!
(With a nod to Maestro Cummings.)

A walk to the village

Nov 13
Red sky at morning


Nov 14

Selfies make for strange
Expressions and perspectives.
It’s how we function.

A slip and hard sit;
Shaken, bruised, and unbroken:
The show must go on!

It gave no warning. Really hurts. Whinge. 
#ouch

From G:Are you okay? Was it a real bum buster?
To G:  Pretty much. Iced the tailbone, took my drugs, 
but really painful. No work today, can’t sit at the keyboard.

To E: I'm fine, really. Sore, mainly. I'm icing again, and taking drugs. And, I'm really fine being on my own for this sit. The village (and the dr's surgery) are a mere half mile walk, and I can bus to places if I want. But I don't. I have a lovely routine: Throw the ball for the dogs, breakfast, read, blog, tutor. Throw the ball. Write. lunch. Write. Throw the ball. Write. Dinner for all. Write or or read or knit and watch Netflix. Let the dogs out one last time. Bedtime, usually with one or two cats. Did I tell you I'm writing a book for R? So, I need to get a bunch done by mid-December. This routine is perfect for that, and the weather is mainly cold and rainy, so I don't feel bad about staying in. So, do NOT worry about me. G's friend had actually broken her leg and had an infection. Not analogous. xoxoxox\
Nov 15

Today’s sunrise...actually pink, but I couldn’t get it matched. Covered 180 degrees of sky.

To L: Having spent the last 10 days doing nothing but throw the ball for the dogs, eat, sleep and WRITE, I can attest that it's actually not a bad way to live.  Of course, it helps that I'm actually getting PAID to write.  Not that I've seen the money yet.  But still.

My backside is still sore, but much much MUCH better (I'm talking in threes again).  I wonder if I'll ever stop slipping or tripping on things.  It seems that every 6 months or so I need to have a fall.  And the vertigo.  The two don't seem to be connected, though.  Still, as you say, this adventure is progressing excellently!  my funds are down, but since I've paid for all the travel through Feb, it's probably not a problem.  That's the expensive part of  it all. 

I don't know if I ever want to work again, or settle in one place.  And I'm loving the chance to hang with E and R and their daughter.  They are promising to visit me in Norway.  You should too!  I'm going to be all alone in the cold and dark. For.Three.Months.  Maybe I'll do some more writing.  That's difficult too, of course, when I'm only writing for myself, without the impetus of a contract.  Who knew what it was like?  Fun, and a chore, all in one. 

Okay, better get back to it.. Actually, I'm going to take advantage of the sun break and jaunt into town.  I'm out of cheese and chocolate.  That's just not acceptable.  ;)

Below,1.  a mystery stone in a hedge:  mile marker?  Cable warning? 2.  history of the area. 3.  classic Fergusson tractor, 4. Slieve Croob from a different angle (local butcher tells me the name and talks about a recent visit to CA:  10 days, rented a car.  Everything is so far apart!)

Shopping in Ireland:
“Would ya like a wee bag then?”
I’d like a wee lift.

Nov 16

Sometimes the sky waits
Until I’m inside working
To go all glow-y.

A quiet day. Still a little sore in the tailbone area. I checked the book schedule and realized that, with the illustrator taking a week per spread, I'm way ahead of the game. So, I told R I was taking some time off, and she totally concurred. Spent the day listening to The Long Earth, coloring with my apps, and knitting. It was a lovely sunny day, so I took some extra time throwing the ball for the dogs. They were amazingly quiet, I guess because I wasn't actually working so there was no point to bothering me. Dogs. sheesh.Took advantage of the quiet time to do some laundry and vacuuming, but couldn't find a mop for the paw prints that speckle the floor. They get incredibly muddy chasing that ball, and the wipe down only goes so far. It takes a better housekeeper than I to stay ahead of the doggy curve. The vacuum is awesome though. It's an immensely long tube that hooks into the wall, so you can go everywhere without hauling a machine around.
Nov 17

Short cold morning play:
But the dogs get worn out while
I watch the sun set.

Nov 18
Not feeling tip top. Vertigo remains, so I’m not renting a car or exploring. Tailbone still hurts, but not so bad that I think I cracked anything. The drugs I’m taking for both situations make me sleepy. So, I’m taking time off from writing, and am listening to audio books instead. And I just made some awesome 3-cheese mac-n-cheese. Comfort food.

Dog shadows

To Hosts: Having a lovely time with the furbabies.  They love that I'm a stay at home mom ;)  And I'm way ahead of the game with the writing project, so I've settled to reading and drinking tea.  Nice.

Sent a few questions and a picture a few days back.  I took a tumble on the back steps and have been hobbling around, so haven't done quite as much cleaning up as I'd have liked.  Anyway, I need to find a mop for all the paw prints.  It's been rainy, and the wipe down at the door is only minimally useful.  Actually, I found the mop, just not the wipes that attach to it.

Nov 19
Vertigo is worse.  Grrr.  Took care of some business: wrote reviews for the books I read in Oct and Nov.  got my expense report caught up and then lost it all.  Grrr.  Tutored. Finished reading  a book. Watched 3 episodes of The Expanse, knitted,  and fell asleep.
And of course, took care of the furbies.
Nov 20
To Hosts: I made a killer mac-n-cheese out of Irish cheddar and butter, among other things.  Am loving your kitchen and home.  It's the perfect place to veg and write, although I am feeling a bit guilty for not exploring the country.  Maybe I'll just have to return and rent a car or a driver! Recovering, but slowly.  Not sure why it's taking so long:  I'm pretty sure nothing was broken.

Nov 21

Yet another day:
Blowing rain and running dogs.
Not quite so cold, tho

Another rainy day but it's warmer now.  Hard to believe I'll be New Mexico bound in another week.  Hard to believe how quickly time passes, but of course that's the case no matter where you are.  Still not well.  dammit.  Checked into bus lines, and not sanguine about them.  Am going to try something else, or just accept that this visit is stationary.

To L: So should I be worried because my tailbone aches a week after the hard sit?  Not tender at the point, sore about 1 finger up.  What besides pain meds can I do?  Icing doesn’t seem to be the answer.  Sigh.  I have several long plane flights in my future.


Subject:  We are not amused. 
Sadness...a bruised tailbone, more vertigo, and now my PC is dead.  I’m going to go watch TV and knit. 
Nov 22
To M: I’ll be okay.  Meanwhile, I’ve cancelled my Japan trip:  my tailbone is still sore and I can’t face the long flight or the physical labor that sit requires.  And I was feeling tentative about it because of the kerfuffle with the previous guests.  So now I have a flight back to the UK out of Orlando on 12/13.  And then I’ll take the return leg to ABQ when I return from Norway.  Confusing I know.

Plans:  

ABQ to SC:  12/5

SC to Ormond Beach: 12/9

ORL to LHR 12/12

Sit in Oxford 12/15-1/5

London or other sits to 1/21

LHR to Oslo 1/22

Sit in Norway to 4/22

Oslo to ORL 4/22

Stay with Mom

ORL to ABQ 4/26

Ghost Ranch May 1

Nov 23

Read the mystery
Or watch the wandering light?
A difficult choice.

To D: They miss you!

Hawthorne encrusted,
Guarding the Irish-green field
From the speeding cars

Nov 24
To Bro: I’m using a vodaphone SIM card right now.  I can text with iPhone users.
I’ve ordered an Acer laptop for $755, including taxes.  Thinner, lighter (3.8 lbs).Acer Swift 3 with 8th gen core i5 and nvidia GeForce graphics, SSD, backlit keyboard.  So, good for late night writing, editing pix, and schlepping. I need it for work, so can write it off, right? I’ve cancelled my Japan trip: She’s been quite kind about it. I feel bad and wimpy, but relieved at the same time.  So far, still in pain and still vertigo. So now I have a flight back to the UK out of Orlando on 12/13.   From there a new flight to Norway.  I need to get my other flight cancelled, maybe partially refunded, but not likely.

What this means is a short stay in ABQ, taking care of business, maybe getting a new PC and changing out clothes.  I may leave the big suitcase in London and bring back my violin. Then a flight to SC to visit E, who will then drive me to FL to visit Mom. Maybe you could join us?

The folks are back, and everyone’s happy.   I’m even happy about the snow.  It’ll be gone by Sun, my flight out.
Now for Dromara, United Kingdom

• Temp: 33°
• Feels like: 25°
• Fair
• Humidity: 96%
• Wind: 10 MPH WSW

Nov 25

Without, cold white stuff
Within, a warm purring cat
And strong hot coffee.

My hosts returned last night and gamely set out today to show me the sights: Giant's Causeway and the North Antrim Coast

Down the coast from the Causeway, where the Bush River meets the Atlantic

Castle Dunluce, GOT site

my hosts

Titanic Event Center

It was cold, very windy, and intermittently rainy.  I loved it!

Hillside Pub, Hillsborough, after the Causeway

Tomorrow it’s back to London.
My host got me some cream for my aching muscles, and let me use her tens unit.  It’s magic!  Doesn’t fix the source of the pain, but does calm down the surrounding muscle spasms. G, is mine buried in your basement, or in your closet with other meds? I think I need this.

Nov 26

A final snuggle.
Oscar gets in his last licks.
I willna miss that.

To Hosts: At my cousins’ home in London.  Something of an ordeal:  turns out my return flight was a different airline flying out of and into different airports, with a bus, train, and 2 Tube lines home instead of the DLR to the Tube.  Guess I should have checked my ticket ahead of time, but who knew?!
Thanks again for your gracious hospitality.  I miss you and the furbies already! 

She’s concentrating
From her hands down to her toes
Fabulous focus

She tells me it’s a
Typical London skyline.
I like the chimneys

Following the trail of P

Nov 27

Hi all!  I’m going to be with people for the next two weeks,  so you get a break from these messages!  Although I might send a few if there’s something to say.  Leaving London tomorrow morning, my time, arriving Albuquerque at 6:15 their time.  Wandering around NM for a week, and then flying out to the east coast for another week.  I’ll resume the travelogue on Dec 13.
Here’s a pic of E and V creating Animoji

Nov 28

Complimentary
Champagne: an excellent start
To my long flight home.

Pampered and loving it!

 Nov 29

To B: Re Shutterfly NM Album: I was looking at it on my new laptop (which has a dedicated graphics card...)  I wasn't able to read your splendid prose, but I was able to enjoy the pix.  They are, as you know, awesome!  Why do I ever leave this enchanted land?  Of course, the green fields and moors are nice too.  :)
I'm in the states for two weeks.  Today I'm taking care of business, mainly phone calls that were problematic in the UK.  Tomorrow and Friday I'll be hanging out with one set of friends and Sat-Mon I'll be in Taos, again taking care of some business (retrieving some items that I couldn't fit in my last made packing job and visiting my energy healer, and maybe seeing the dr about the cracked coccyx. Hopefully it isn't actually cracked. 

Next Tuesday I fly out to Charleston and visit Emily.  She'll then drive me down to Ormond Beach (next to Daytona Beach) for a few days with Mom.   I might go to the urgent care facility there instead.  It's been close to a month now, so it's not urgent, but I had to cancel two flights because of it, so I hope the medical paperwork will give me a better refund.

Then, it's back to the UK for a month, followed by 3 months in Norway.  I'm loving this peripatetic lifestyle, but of course it's only been 7 months.  Who knows how I'll feel in 2 years?

Now that I’m at home
I’ve been craving BBQ.
This worked quite nicely.