Feeling tentative

I've done a fair amount of tutoring and knitting and TV watching since I arrived, and it makes me feel a little guilty.   I'm not a TV watcher, and British TV is no better than American TV.  In fact, a lot of it is late 20th-century re-runs (Columbo, Quincy, The Saint), as well as reality TV.  I've watched Storage Wars and Judge Judy.  I did check out some PBS stuff like Foyles War and Midsomer Murders, but I can see all of this in the States.  So, why am I sitting around watching this dreck now instead of getting out and about?  I don't want to leave the dogs for very long, because Chip suffers separation anxiety and howls, but I could explore for a few hours, and I don't melt in a shower of rain.

Mainly, I'm feeling tentative.  As with Claremont, when I spent most of my first month in the house, I don't have any goals for my exploration, and I'm very sleepy.  Part of that is jet-lag, part the poor sleep caused by the dogs' howling and barking in the wee hours of the morning.  But mainly, I don't want to drive.  In Claremont, it was the LA freeways and the heat that daunted me.  Here in Tavistock, it's the right-hand drive and narrow lanes, along with the rain.  Weather is the excuse, but the transport is the issue.

My host took me up the moors on my first day, and that was a wonderful introduction to the area.  She stopped in various lay-bys and I walked up into the heather and rocks and breathed deeply.  She was actually a bit worried at Grimspound, because I was gone for so long, and the weather comes down quickly.  It's easy to get lost in the fog.

She also showed me the two main walks (the "Pimple" by the golf course and the viaduct path) and introduced me to fellow dog walkers.  However, the next day she took me out in "my" car, and while she was patient with me, I felt fairly incompetent.  I drive too close to the left edge of the lane, I look in the right-hand side mirror instead of the rear view mirror, I gun the engine shifting into first, and I kill it on the tiniest of hills.  She suggested I practice in the Council Offices parking lot up the hill in the evenings when it's empty.  However, it's been raining since she left, and that's been a perfect excuse to avoid the golf course walk of a morning and take the viaduct walk of an afternoon.

Tomorrow I go up to London to visit my cousin, and I'm sure I'll be active there.  But why can't I get myself motivated when I'm by myself?  And why should I?  It makes me wonder afresh what I think I'm doing with this year.  Am I just hanging with dogs?  Am I just texting friends when I should/could be spending actual time with them? Am I actually experiencing the world and meeting people or am I just sitting inside my own head?  And what is inside that head?  I love seeing the greens and greys and purples of Devon, I love eating the local cheese and bread, I love watching the goldfinches at the feeders.  But I am learning nothing.  And Pekoe, the young poodle, is leaping upon me, as if to say, "come on, get up and out and take me for a walk!"  Okay, since the sun is out and my tutor schedule has been met, I have no excuse.