Nordic Ambient

I logged into my tutoring session this morning, and as I waited for a client, I started to work on my daily blog journal.  It's part of my routine, to record my day by copying and pasting email messages and Facebook posts into the draft of the monthly journal post.  Sometimes I find the kernel of a separate post, and that goes into another draft post, sitting there for weeks until I find the time or inspiration to write more fully on the topic.  Today, however, I started writing, instead of cutting and pasting. I had nothing much to share from yesterday, so I thought I'd explore why. 

Am I entering into the internal discovery mode? I'm not exploring outwardly, but perhaps I'm thinking and experiencing inside. If so, it's so deep inside that I can't locate it and write about it. The external over-rides the internal. I hear myself thinking about snow, about food, about wood, about routines, about words.  I have jobs to do (tutoring, writing the book, caring for the house and cats), but the main one seems to be myself:  I need to be sure I exercise and take care of my body (yoga? tai chi chih? walking? eating less fat and sugar?  probably all of the above.)  I also need to look into my sleep patterns and screen time.  I seem to be napping a lot during the day, and at night I'm waking up and snacking and playing online Sudoku or solitaire while listening to YouTube Judge Judy.  Surely this can't be the way I want to spend my time?  And it's certainly nothing to write about. But the screens call to me.  I'm addicted, like so many of us, to the instant gratification of the Internet, not to mention the mindlessness of the interaction. My brain and emotions are disengaged, even when playing Words With Friends.  And Judge Judy is just a drone with the occasional outburst, "What are you, CRAZY?"  "Don't bother the courts with your meshugas!"  I love it when she goes all yente.

Beyond the mindless entertainment, though, I think a large part of the call of the computer is how very accessible and easy it is.  In addition to distracting me from things like reading and sleeping and thinking, it takes over my more active moments.  It's like I can't do anything without recording it instantly.  Yes, that's part of experiencing the world, but it's not all of it.  The visual arts are a prime example.  If I want to process an image with the computer, I just pull up the image and start.  And once I'm done, I can instantly share it. I don't have to set up anything. I don't have to locate the pens or the paints or the papers or fix the chemistry for the darkroom or push the cat away from the paper.  No letting the paper dry, or setting up a photo session. It's done, it's out there, feeding the other Internet addiction, the collection of comments and "likes."  As a friend noted, I feel so absurdly gratified when certain people like my work. Yet, the very ease of it all cheapens the product.  I have taken and posted countless snow pictures, for example.  They all run together.  There is no choice, no editing.  I get the buzz from the instant attention, but what have I achieved, artistically?

The blog is a more thoughtful place, but even that is problematic. So much of it is just a routine.  I listen to Sami joik or other Nordic ambient music.  I gather together the thoughts I have shared with friends and with Facebook.  But, I don't delve.  I don't listen to the music, and I don't listen to the thoughts.  I let them swirl around me. I don't settle down with them and immerse myself. 

Is it enough to just rest in the ambience?